I recently had the opportunity to perform the marriage ceremony of a precious young couple. They were near and dear to my heart as well as the church family.

As their pastor for many years, it was a joy to watch them blossom and grow in the soil of the community of the church and the ministry of the gospel. I would like to take a moment and share some of the main points from my notes, particularly, the focus on the gospel priority and the importance of keeping Christ at the center of one’s marriage.

Most of us are familiar with Paul’s portrayal of the marriage relationship in Ephesians 5:22-33. We could really sum up Paul’s instruction for marriage under one heading: Remember the gospel of Jesus in view of your sinfulness.

Let’s look at the necessity for the gospel and the power of the gospel for marriage.

The Necessity of the Gospel – In View of Sin

It is impossible for rebellious creatures to promote the glory of God in a Christian marriage apart from the saving work of Jesus Christ. Paul pens a spiritual journal on sin in Ephesians 4 and 5.

Particularly in Ephesians 4:18-19, Paul tells us that the practice of sinful greediness is the fruit of spiritual callousness rooted in a hardened heart towards God.

In our sinfulness, we are inclined to practice this greediness in marriage by using our spouses to fulfill ourselves, to promote ourselves, and to serve ourselves; this self-love and self-fulfillment will not promote the sacrificial love of Christ.

In fact, it will harm the marriage relationship. Our sinful hearts harden under the deception of thinking that we can be fulfilled by finite, mortal creatures; that we can find our meaning and identity in finite, mortal objects; and that we can find momentary salvation in the finite, mortal promises of the world. 

Ephesians 5:5 provides a divine X-ray on sins of impurity and covetousness and Paul diagnoses it in terms of idolatry. 

The idolatrous heart will manifest itself in covetousness that will lead us to make our spouses an idol leading to jealousy and conflict, or it will lead to erecting an idol in our hearts to escape the problems in the home or at work – and this will lead to conflict.

The Power of the Gospel – the glory of Christ’s Person and Work

Ephesians not only diagnoses our sinful hearts as idolatry, but it also provides the true Savior of our hearts, namely, Jesus Christ!

Ephesians 1:7 tells us that God has provided a redemption plan through the provision of His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ added to His eternal divine nature, a human nature so that He might stand in the believing sinner’s place as their substitute.

As a substitute, He does what the sinner cannot do. Christ lived the perfect life, obeying the demand of God’s Law to love God with all of the heart, soul, mind, and strength.

The Bible promises that through faith in Christ, God credits the perfect righteousness of Christ to the sinner’s account, so that viewed in Christ, the sinner stands perfect in the righteousness of Jesus.

Christ obeyed perfectly in life and in His death, for you see, His death was not for Himself, but an eternal payment for the sinner’s sin and guilt.

Our sin deserves eternal judgment from God because we have rebelled against the Holy and Righteous God. God does not sweep our sin under the carpet and thereby violate His own Righteous Character.

Rather, He demonstrates His love in this way, that He sent His only Son to receive the wrath that believing sinners deserve and thereby satisfy the justice of God.

“In Him,” “in Christ,” “in union with Christ through faith” we are redeemed. “In Him” is such a glorious truth for our hearts today for God devised a salvation plan through a salvation, marriage covenant called the New Covenant. 

Believing sinners bring their liabilities of sin and guilt to God in Christ and Christ brings His perfect assets to the salvation covenant on behalf of the believing sinner. Christ, the ultimate groom, pays for our liabilities – guilt and sin – and Christ, our groom, clothes us with His perfect righteousness! 

Why do we make much of Christ’s gospel work for sinners in marriage counseling?

Because the promise of the gospel is the power you will need to love your spouse and your children.

Observe the pattern here. Obedience is the fruit of God’s provision for us in Christ.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

The point is this. Just as the gospel is the power of God for salvation (Romans 1:16) so the gospel is the power of God for your sanctification and growth in conformity to Christ.

When you sin personally in your relationship with your spouse, or your spouse sins against you, remember the good news of the gospel. Instead of surrendering to the pride of self-righteousness by requiring payment because of your spouse’s failure or surrendering to the self-deception of seeking moral improvement in your life to outweigh your personal guilt, rest in Christ’s obedience for you that has secured for you a righteous position before God – you have been clothed in the righteousness of Christ. 

Rest in Christ’s payment for your sin at the cross where He satisfied God’s wrath for you. You see, the gospel secures the glory of Christ by barring out your self-righteousness and self-redemption from the picture!

The promise of the gospel for your life is that as you stand daily in the gospel you will experience a daily dying to your self-identity and consequent self-effort and will find that the glorious person of Christ will radically recalibrate your identity and the glorious work of Christ will powerfully procure a joyous resting in His grace that will bear the fruit of loving treasuring, cherishing and nourishing in your marriage relationship.

The gospel is for the Christian as the sun is to the rose, the vine to the branch, and oxygen to the life for apart from Christ, we can do nothing (John 15:5).